First Speech – Done!

Tonight I had my first speech in speech class. It was 3 minutes long. TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF ~3 minute speeches is grueling! Talk about mind numbing. Don’t get me wrong. There were plenty of good ones. I enjoyed listening to most of them…but short speech after short speech was just…ugh.

My first week of classes seems to be coming along pretty decently. Lots of work, but I’m up for the challenge. Feels good to be moving somewhere.

Strangely, I thought getting involved neck deep in classes would make me feel better. It has to some degree but I find myself more and more depressed as this week goes on. Feeling lonely to be honest… missing something.

On an unrelated note I’ve come to a greater appreciation of God and His mercy and compassion. A lot of overwhelming things I’ve had to deal with. A lot of anxiety. A lot of struggles. In comparison to the world’s solutions I’m finding solace in the truth that God can heal me…and wants to heal me…and that I can just rest in His arms. I don’t know how people can get by without Him. Call it a crutch. I’m happy to be “paralyzed”.

I think I’m going to go fall asleep in His arms. Its really the only way I’m coping with this emptiness.

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Editorial Note: There are a lot of hard posts which came before this which I’ve since hidden because they are too raw, too personal. And honestly, the context of this would make the achievement all the greater. Matthew in 2010 was not a public speaker. He is not the man I am today. The fear of Matthew in 2010 is what drove Matthew to become the man I am today.

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