Online Dating Profile Catastrophes Part 1

No surprise, I’m single. Over the past few years I’ve used some dating sites. (big mistake), eHarmony (another big mistake), (meh), and more recently (so far so good…but we’re just starting out there).

There is one thing that is in common between all of these sites: 90% of the profiles stink. And by stink, I mean just are downright terrible. No thought is put into them. No understanding of the impact on the target audience (i.e., guys/men). No goal. No catch. Just kind of bleh.

So, in my usual sarcastic way I’ve begun a list reflecting some of the huge “no-no’s” that are so prevalent it makes me fear for our future. Listen up ladies, these are things all women should be very careful not to do. Extrapolate from it some tips on how to make an online dating profile.

Some annoyed thoughts thus far on online dating profiles…

  1. “I’m shy at first but I open up after getting to know you.” … Yeah. You just explained 99% of the population.
  2. Two sentences are not enough to even begin to know anything about you.
  3. Neither are three sentences.
  4. Your main profile picture having you and a friend/sister is confusing.
  5. Your main profile picture having some guy in it (of various relations) is distracting. Even if it is your cousin/brother/uncle/dad. And by distracting, I mean turns guys away before they even read your profile.
  6. “I think all guys are… *insert bad perception*” Yeah. Great way to convince the “right” guy to message you. Here’s a hint. He won’t. He already knows the odds of getting a fair chance are stacked against him.
  7. “He must be this, and he must be that, and he’s got to do that, and he’s really got to like this, and he needs to understand this, and he needs to…” Some good solid standards are good, but a lot of these are just ridiculous.
  8. Promiscuous profile picture + “I have a kid.” … I wonder how that happened?
  9. “I’m a hard worker.” Okay? This isn’t a job application.
  10. “I want to have thirty-five kids.” … Skipped a few steps there.
  11. “I like music.” See comment to #1.
  12. “He must be financially stable in a stable job with his own house and his own car and his own…” Suga…Daddy.
  13. “I’ll only date tall guys.” Shallow.
  14. “I’ll only date *insert skin color* guys.” Racist.
  15. “I’m planning on moving to the complete opposite side of the country in less than a year.” …

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